would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
