so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
