They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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