there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am one with the molecules
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
