I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
