Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
