We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
