that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
