thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
