so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
