i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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