just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
