Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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