I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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