she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
