You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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