he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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