I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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