I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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