I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
