i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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