I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
