oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
