There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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