Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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