I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
