highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
