I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
