wanna go halves on a baby?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im holly from the hills drunk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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