So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
