I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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