that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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