Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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