Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
