ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
