And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
