apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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