guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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