I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
