I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
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