I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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