True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
