we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
