There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
