im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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