Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
