sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
