it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
