He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
