had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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