I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
